'Twas Fate That Brought Me Back

Why don't I post here more often? I keep telling others that it's hard to write about my life on facebook when I have so much pressure to not say anything too "over the top" with all the family I have as friends. I now know why people have multiple accounts, haha.

Obviously, for those that have followed my life, it's been about the farthest down it has ever been, but has also reached it's highest point. I lost my mom on the 17th of June last year, same day the Lakers won the championship...how messed up is that? Haha. I've said that Sasha was a big part of keeping me from doing anything stupid while the idea that my mom was gone was fresh in my head. If he doesnt make those free throws and we lose...Im probably not here...so thanks Sasha.

Maybe the biggest part of my recovery was music. Music. Maybe the most amazing thing in the world...when made/used correctly. Haha. My love for music before my mom's passing was nothing big at all. It was just whatever sounded cool...lyrics came 2nd, instruments came 1st. Once you emotionally connect to a song, that song becomes a friend, more than just a song you like. It helps you in ways unimaginable. Now it's the lyrics of a song that come 1st no matter what. It still must sound cool, but if the lyrics are there, it's a keeper.

Pearl Jam was always there for me. Always. As a child, as a teen, as an adult. My love for them has grown as time has passed, and now, I find myself awaiting anything new from them everyday. Just this year alone...and it's only August...I've spent most of my money on their music(Live on Ten Legs, Vs./Vitalogy box set and Eddie Vedder's Ukulele Songs). And it's not gonna stop...cause I plan on getting the PJ20 soundtrack(2 disc, 29 unreleased songs....of course Im buying) and seeing PJ20 in theaters. They were important in my recovery....but it was someone unexpected that really helped me out of my hole....

Sarah McLachlan. Where has she been all my life? She came to me one lonely night and put me back on my feet. I really can't emphasize how much she has done for me in such a short time, and if not for the mistake of waiting for her after her show at the Hollywood Bowl on the 2nd night instead of the 1st night, I could have told her. She has always been around in my life, I heard about her all the time, heard her music a lot in the late 90s/early 00's, but she was just someone who had a really good voice to me then. Now, she is my favorite female musician.

Possession, Fallen, Sweet Surrender, Rivers of Love, Building a Mystery, Elsewhere, Path of Thorns, Adia, Hold On, Awakenings, Loving You Is Easy, Plenty, Circle, Forgiveness, Heartbreak, Into the Fire....the list keeps going. These are all great songs. And it was Fallen, 5 years ago, that set up this love that I have for Sarah. The lonely night...I was listening to sad music...Fallen was a go to...but that night..."what other Sarah songs do I know?" I knew Angel from the ASPCA commercials, and I Will Remember You was still known to me, for whatever reason, so I stayed away from them. But Building A Mystery, Adia, Sweet Surrender...those 3, I played and remembered from the radio on car rides over 10 years ago. But there was a 4th...maybe the best song I have ever heard...Possession. The organ intro...when it played...I might have cried. Haha. It's so beautiful...but I remembered it's beauty from all those years ago.

What that night did was turn me on to her other work. Then there was all these other songs like World on Fire, Stupid, Push...it was maybe the best thing to ever happen to me at that time. While Pearl Jam helped me stay alive...it was Sarah that helped me out of the hole. Since that night, Ive accomplished more than I had ever done previously. I've never been this happy.

Seeing her at the Hollywood Bowl...twice, it was just....the highest I have ever felt. Playing my favorite songs...hearing it all live, her modest and funny attitude, I fell in love. I've never talked about it...but the day after the 2nd show...I was sad. I was maybe the saddest I had felt in a year. Not only because there was no 3rd night(haha), but because I loved her and feared I'd never be able to tell her. And when I say "loved her", I don't mean 'love' like "married" love, I mean like "I love you, you have saved me". So I felt inspired to now...be a musician as well...so that one day, I can be on stage with Sarah McLachlan. I think...by reaching that point, Id show how much I loved her.....or it was just a concert hangover.

While music saved me, it was the friendship of Alysa, once again, that also played a huge part. Her family "adopted" me in a way after my mom's passing, and I have either been at their house or spent time with them most of the time since the passing and now...and I hope that never changes. I love them.

I was looking at my last post...before I posted this one...and saw that I was wondering if my life was about luck or fate....and it mustve been fate, cause when I think of luck, I think it means good, and it hasnt been all good. It's sad that I've mentioned my mom in a lot of what I write, and she was the 1st close person to me that passed. If it was fate that she would pass and I'd end up experiencing all that I did after...I'm not sure I'd agree with it, but it was my mom that told me everything happens for a reason. I'm just mad that I don't know if my mom even likes Sarah McLachlan. Haha.

From A to B and Everything in Between...

"World Champions."

In 2003, I found my love for sports. I was a "late-bloomer" because my parents weren't into sports. It wasn't until I met my would-be stepmom that things changed. I fell in love with sports and it hasn't stopped since.

Since 2003, it was tough because I had never known the feeling of winning a championship. I had loved the Broncos from 03-06, Dodgers 05-now, Lakers 05-now, and it seemed like they always got pretty close but never won. So when the Lakers won this year, it was meaningful, like truly meaningful and amazing.

The strange thing though is that I didn't feel any different at first. I felt like any other day. I expected to be crying and going crazy, but I was about as excited as if we won a preseason game. It didn't feel like we won. I feel like it's too good to be true that I didn't believe it.

It wasn't until Sasha tweeted "World Champions." that I realized the greatness and significance of this win. Then I realized how amazing it's been to go from disappointment to the very top. But what is also amazing is what has happened in my life in that time period.

Since the Lakers lost to the Celtics in the Finals last year, I've gone through one of the most amazing up-and-down rollercoasters I have ever been on. From being the "Fan Spotlight" on Sasha's site and being known as one of his biggest fans to getting kicked out of another high school and going through my mom and stepdad splitting up.

The creation of Sasha's site was something that I would've never guessed being significant in my life. I remember being excited for Sasha's site but I didn't expect it to be as great as it is. I remember thinking how cool it would be to be the "Fan Spotlight" only after it's first week. And to think that I would be the 2nd ever(first male) to do it, is just amazing. The amounts of friend requests and messages were crazy but I didn't expect it to get as crazy as it did.

Being viewed as this "Sasha look-alike" was silly to me. Some look at it as intentional, but I'm saying it now: I'm not trying to look like Sasha. It started off with just growing my hair, then people said things and others caught on and then it became this big thing, which I don't mind at all. I'm having a lot of fun with it and enjoy every minute of it.

4/4/09. That was the day of the Sasha/AT&T signing in Torrance. If there was one day I'd wish to relive, it would be that day. We were all around L.A. that day. I woke up at like 5( I slept like 3 hours), went to work with my dad, went to Irvine, then Torrance, then back to Irvine where we slept in a hotel for my sister's pageant. It wasn't just the signing that was crazy, it was everything about that day that was nuts.

The signing though, man, nothing like I expected it to be. The idea that girls were taking pictures of me and with me, I've never been in a situation like that. Another unknown thing about that day was that I had to pee before the signing and didn't get a chance till after the signing. I got there around 2 and didn't pee till about 5. If you can imagine, right before I went up to Sasha, I had to pee the most. Haha.

I still can't believe talking to everyone and all that going on. There was one family who apparently really liked me and one girl wanted me to go see a movie with her and all this stuff. Like being known as the "Sasha look-alike" has so many positives and that's why I'm doing it. I'm having fun with it and people like it so why stop?

I'm probably the most featured guy on Sasha's site, being mentioned in probably every other article. I almost feel guilty because I feel like people look at me as 'obsessed' and trying too hard for attention. I just happen to be in the right spot at the right time. I'm lucky, that's all it is. But I still feel like people won't understand. I haven't heard anything yet, but I feel like seeing my name all the time makes me seem crazy. Or, maybe I am wrong and people like seeing my name.

In no way do I regret being mentioned or hope to be mentioned less, because I love it. My life has never been better. I really have to thank Sasha and everyone who works on his site for making my life so much better. Everything that's gone on in that time period wouldn't have been as easy without being mentioned on Sasha's site.

So, there was all this negative happening around me yet all I cared about was positive over the past year. I still can't believe everything that has gone on and really am truly grateful for everyone and everything positive that has happened.

I usually never write about good stuff that happens in my life in fear that I might jinx what is happening but moments like this don't happen often and I really felt it was time. I've always written about the negative points in my life and they were always depressing for people, but I have no idea. I just felt like writing something positive for once.

But anyways, to end this "rant", I really have to thank some people for making this year so great:

1. Sasha Vujacic(obviously) and the Los Angeles Lakers
2. Everyone who works for Sasha's site, you have no idea how much it means to me.
3. TheLakersNation Forums, everyone on that site has been amazing.
4. My best friend Alysa.
5. My family, definitely definitely definitely. Working through everything.

So now what? Life doesn't end here, does it? Right now, I gotta live in the moment and just hope we can do it all over again next year.