'Twas Fate That Brought Me Back

Why don't I post here more often? I keep telling others that it's hard to write about my life on facebook when I have so much pressure to not say anything too "over the top" with all the family I have as friends. I now know why people have multiple accounts, haha.

Obviously, for those that have followed my life, it's been about the farthest down it has ever been, but has also reached it's highest point. I lost my mom on the 17th of June last year, same day the Lakers won the championship...how messed up is that? Haha. I've said that Sasha was a big part of keeping me from doing anything stupid while the idea that my mom was gone was fresh in my head. If he doesnt make those free throws and we lose...Im probably not here...so thanks Sasha.

Maybe the biggest part of my recovery was music. Music. Maybe the most amazing thing in the world...when made/used correctly. Haha. My love for music before my mom's passing was nothing big at all. It was just whatever sounded cool...lyrics came 2nd, instruments came 1st. Once you emotionally connect to a song, that song becomes a friend, more than just a song you like. It helps you in ways unimaginable. Now it's the lyrics of a song that come 1st no matter what. It still must sound cool, but if the lyrics are there, it's a keeper.

Pearl Jam was always there for me. Always. As a child, as a teen, as an adult. My love for them has grown as time has passed, and now, I find myself awaiting anything new from them everyday. Just this year alone...and it's only August...I've spent most of my money on their music(Live on Ten Legs, Vs./Vitalogy box set and Eddie Vedder's Ukulele Songs). And it's not gonna stop...cause I plan on getting the PJ20 soundtrack(2 disc, 29 unreleased songs....of course Im buying) and seeing PJ20 in theaters. They were important in my recovery....but it was someone unexpected that really helped me out of my hole....

Sarah McLachlan. Where has she been all my life? She came to me one lonely night and put me back on my feet. I really can't emphasize how much she has done for me in such a short time, and if not for the mistake of waiting for her after her show at the Hollywood Bowl on the 2nd night instead of the 1st night, I could have told her. She has always been around in my life, I heard about her all the time, heard her music a lot in the late 90s/early 00's, but she was just someone who had a really good voice to me then. Now, she is my favorite female musician.

Possession, Fallen, Sweet Surrender, Rivers of Love, Building a Mystery, Elsewhere, Path of Thorns, Adia, Hold On, Awakenings, Loving You Is Easy, Plenty, Circle, Forgiveness, Heartbreak, Into the Fire....the list keeps going. These are all great songs. And it was Fallen, 5 years ago, that set up this love that I have for Sarah. The lonely night...I was listening to sad music...Fallen was a go to...but that night..."what other Sarah songs do I know?" I knew Angel from the ASPCA commercials, and I Will Remember You was still known to me, for whatever reason, so I stayed away from them. But Building A Mystery, Adia, Sweet Surrender...those 3, I played and remembered from the radio on car rides over 10 years ago. But there was a 4th...maybe the best song I have ever heard...Possession. The organ intro...when it played...I might have cried. Haha. It's so beautiful...but I remembered it's beauty from all those years ago.

What that night did was turn me on to her other work. Then there was all these other songs like World on Fire, Stupid, Push...it was maybe the best thing to ever happen to me at that time. While Pearl Jam helped me stay alive...it was Sarah that helped me out of the hole. Since that night, Ive accomplished more than I had ever done previously. I've never been this happy.

Seeing her at the Hollywood Bowl...twice, it was just....the highest I have ever felt. Playing my favorite songs...hearing it all live, her modest and funny attitude, I fell in love. I've never talked about it...but the day after the 2nd show...I was sad. I was maybe the saddest I had felt in a year. Not only because there was no 3rd night(haha), but because I loved her and feared I'd never be able to tell her. And when I say "loved her", I don't mean 'love' like "married" love, I mean like "I love you, you have saved me". So I felt inspired to now...be a musician as well...so that one day, I can be on stage with Sarah McLachlan. I think...by reaching that point, Id show how much I loved her.....or it was just a concert hangover.

While music saved me, it was the friendship of Alysa, once again, that also played a huge part. Her family "adopted" me in a way after my mom's passing, and I have either been at their house or spent time with them most of the time since the passing and now...and I hope that never changes. I love them.

I was looking at my last post...before I posted this one...and saw that I was wondering if my life was about luck or fate....and it mustve been fate, cause when I think of luck, I think it means good, and it hasnt been all good. It's sad that I've mentioned my mom in a lot of what I write, and she was the 1st close person to me that passed. If it was fate that she would pass and I'd end up experiencing all that I did after...I'm not sure I'd agree with it, but it was my mom that told me everything happens for a reason. I'm just mad that I don't know if my mom even likes Sarah McLachlan. Haha.

What An Amazing Night.

When I heard Sasha was throwing the first pitch(3rd really, 2 people threw before him) at the Dodger game, the first thing I did was text my mom. The message said:

'Mom, is there any possible way we/I can get tickets to the Dodger game this Friday? Sasha is throwing out the first pitch...'

That was at 11:06 on June 3. I got this message at 1:57 the next day:

'I got tickets for all of us to go tomorrow.' ('all of us' being me, mom, sister, brother, mom's friend)

Filled with excitement, I watched the Lakers win Game 1 of the Finals later that day, already knowing that the next day would be a good one. However, I was so excited, I had a hard time trying to fall asleep. I finally fell asleep a little after....5 A.M. 

I finally woke up around 3 P.M. and just waited for time to go by. Then we left for the game. When we got there, the weather was much more beautiful than it was at home. We read it was possibly going to rain, but there was no chance with how nice the weather was that day. 

When we got into the stadium, I kind of left everyone else. I was focused on trying to find Sasha. When I found him, I took a picture from my phone, but there was no way you could find him. I sent that picture later that night to twitter and joked "Where's Sasha?"

While the rest of my family was walking to their seats, I stayed and watched from the top of the lower level seats, wanting to get close, but I didn't know what the Dodger stadium security would do, so I just stayed there. 

The funniest part was after awhile, Sasha got a glove, and started warming up with the Dodgers' ball boy. Sasha's throwing style is interesting, because it looks like he's gearing up for a big throw, and then it comes out slow. They did that for about 20 minutes. After they were done, Sasha was given his own Dodger jersey, a white home jersey with the name 'Vujacic' on the back and the #18.

When I had a chance, I went to find my seats. I talked to my mom about what was going on, and she said I could use her camera. So I went back to my spot, and just 'stalked' the situation, using the zoom on the camera to follow what was happening. 

When it came to the pitch, I started feeling chills. I spent the previous night watching videos of first pitch bloopers, so I was in this 'zone' where I felt this pressure like "Oh please don't let that be Sasha." As his name was called, the crowd was amazing. It was loud and just absolutely nits. I didn't expect that at all. With the way he's been playing lately, I was sure it would be either quiet or fans would boo. But I was wrong, thankfully. 

As he walked out, the excitement was building. He walked to the front of the mound, and then took a couple steps back to the pitcher's mound. I wasn't sure if I wanted to take a picture or not, but I got one right before the pitch. The pitch, from where I was standing had decent speed, and I didn't see Brad Ausmus'(the catcher) hand move at all, so, in my eyes, it was a perfect pitch.

After the pitch, I walked to my seat and got ready for what would be the most exciting Dodger game I had ever watched live. 

Ironically, before the game, I said that, lately, the Dodger games haven't been crowded like they usually are. Little did I know, there would over 50,000 rocking at Dodger Stadium. The energy was crazy. At one point, 'the wave' started and it was so crazy that everyone started doing it and didn't notice that Phillies' 2nd baseman Chase Utley hit a ball down the line, scoring 2 for the Phillies.

There were a lot of Phillie fans there. We were down for the entire game, so they were saying anything they could. We managed to get lucky on our 2nd run, where the ball bounced right under Phillies' outfielder Eric Bruntlett's glove, bringing Furcal home to make the score 3-2.

As the game went on, they showed a recap of Sasha's pitch and "The Bangles" singing the national anthem on the big scoreboard. When I saw Sasha's pitch from that angle, the pitch was perfect. And Sasha's reaction was the best, because not only was it excitement, it also seemed like he was relieved because of all the talk about him possibly bouncing the pitch.

The Dodgers' bullpen was the key to the game(along with some nice catches by outfielder Matt Kemp), keeping the Phillies scoreless from the 5th inning and on. When it got to the bottom of the 9th inning, a Phillie fan behind me said "Lidge will put this one in the fridge, he's gonna close it down."(Brad Lidge is the closer for the Phillies)

That 9th inning was...amazing. 2 outs just like that. Fans were about to leave. But Casey Blake kept it alive with a single, then James Loney worked out a walk. The biggest play to that 9th was the botched ground-ball to Phillies 3rd baseman Pedro Feliz, which allowed Russell Martin to be safe and put the game in Andre Ethier's hands.

Our seats were in the outfield, 1st base side, field level. When Ethier hit the first pitch into the outfield, it was right in front of us. We saw Eric Bruntlett's glove miss the ball just barely, and we won the game. I went crazy. I high-fived everyone. It was such an awesome feeling.

After the game, we were able to go down onto the field to watch the fireworks and it got crowded fast. I've been on the field once for the "Father's Day Catch" thing in 2007, and that was at daytime. This was at night-time and it was an amazing sight. Not only the fireworks, but to look up at the lights and the stadium all-around you, it's amazing. They shut down the lights and that was even cooler, because it's just a weird feeling, like "Why am I here? Why am I standing on the field of Dodger stadium, the field where so many legends have stood before? I'm not worthy, and why are the lights off?" It's a crazy feeling.

Then the fireworks went off as "Beat It"(Michael Jackson), "Panama"(Van Halen), and "Livin' On A Prayer"(Bon Jovi) played. It was the perfect ending to an exciting day. And to think, I would've never had that feeling if Sasha didn't throw the first pitch....

Also, Ethier's game-winning hit was the 2nd walk-off hit vs. the Phillies I have seen live. The previous walk-off was last year on August 12th. The Dodgers are 6-4 in games I go to, 2-0 vs. the Phillies.